Thoughts of Ben

Ben turned five today, but I was not there. I knew his birthday was upcoming, but the last couple of days were busy, and I did not remember until I walked into church this morning and looked at the bulletin. To see "May 3rd" at the top of the page left me struggling. I went into the bathroom, wiped away the tears, and decided to make the best of it. Benjamin Joel turned 5 in the presence of our Lord and Saviour, and who am I to think that his birthday would be better with me than with Jesus? I do believe that the pain will always be in my heart, but with everything in me, I believe I will see him again. One of my questions is, will he be a baby still or will he age in years as he would have on earth? I am also very aware that if Ben had lived, I very likely would not have Abby, as they are basically the same age, and I would not have been looking to adopt so soon. Joanna may not have been in the picture either. The sovereigness of God is somehow at play in all of this, and I am thankful that He makes the big decisions in this life. I am also thankful that we had six hours with this precious little boy. I rejoice that we have a few pictures of him and that many of our good friends were able to be with us that evening to pray over him and to be our comfort. This, Bob and I will never forget.

In the next few days, I will post pictures of Joanna and her 10th birthday on April 30. Somehow it didn't seem right to mix a really loud, fun time with my quiet thoughts of Little Ben, so that will have to wait. Thank you to all of my neat blog friends. I have made some really sweet friendships over the past couple of years, and I appreciate all of you so much!