An Update on Joanna - Four Months Postadoption

Several of you have asked for an update on Joanna, so I'll try to give a little overview of where she is at this point. As for her relationship to Bob and I, she is trusting us more and more, and I would even go so far as to say she loves us at this point. Several weeks ago I asked her if she missed China or if she liked being in the US. She simply said, "stay here." It made me feel good to hear this, as I'm not sure that that would have been her answer not too long ago. She likes to wrestle around with her dad and enjoys the attention that he gives her with teasing and horseplay. She also likes to sit on his lap to watch TV, which is a BIG change from just a few months ago. She enjoys being with me in the kitchen (and actually just about everywhere else!) and asks a million questions about food and anything else she can think of during this time. (Yes, she talks ALOT!) She can be very repetitive, and sometimes this drives me a little bit crazy. I'm not sure if she doesn't quite understand and wants to make certain that she is hearing things correctly or if it is a little bit of immaturity, and she just likes repeating herself. Often I will ask her what I just said, and she will smile sheepishly and repeat my answer, so I tend to think this is just sort of a little girl game she plays at times.

When she first came home, she was very unsure of her appearance. By this I mean that she did not know whether or not she liked any of the clothes I had chosen for her or not. I think she was very afraid of looking "different," and she wasn't yet sure whether I could be trusted to dress her like the other little girls her age. This is no longer much of an issue. She definitely has likes and dislikes, but they make more sense now, and I am seeing more of a pattern to her taste. Her hair is now shoulder-length and is very thick and pretty. I don't think it has ever been this long before, and she is constantly telling me that it is getting long. She is VERY pleased that she is being able to grow it out, and she wants it long enough to wear in a ponytail. She asks me often if I think she is cute, and she beams when I tell her that yes, she is very cute.

In school, she is doing amazingly well. She understands math concepts most of the time, and for the past three weeks she has been doing a shortened version of the regular spelling test. She is not sure that she likes this very much, but she is doing very well at it. She is also beginning to understand abstract ideas in the English language, which definitely makes homework much easier. Ruthie, who is in kindergarten, is bringing home beginning readers, and Joanna loves to practice with them. She has caught on to the concept of rhyming words much better than Ruthie at this point and is actually trying to teach Ruthie in some of these areas. Speaking of Ruthie, the two of them get along quite well. They squabble, of course, but they also enjoy a lot of the same interests, and Joanna is good at letting Ruthie teach her how to do some things, and Ruthie is equally as good at letting Joanna help her to learn other things. At this stage of the game, they act more like age equals, but I know that that is to be expected when a child has been in an institution for so many years.

Just recently, Joanna has begun to share pieces of her orphanage experience, and while I have been eagerly awaiting this advent, I am also saddened by some of the things my child has shared with me. Life is very expendable when you are an orphan, and there are many things I will never be able to undo in her little life. I accept this, but it does not lessen my sorrow. All three of my girls have gone through more grief in their little lives than most Americans will ever go through. Even still, they are generally happy children, and I believe that God will "restore what the locusts have eaten."

Now that you have heard the good points, I will throw you a curve and say that Joanna's adoption has been one of the more difficult things we have ever done. My internet friend, Jeanne, once posted that older child adoptions are not for the feint of heart, and I would agree. There are SO many things that we take for granted when we give birth to a child and raise that child from infancy. While anyone would agree that that is an obvious point, it is hard to put into words how many quirkly little behaviors pop up that both shock and surprise you. We were not blind going into this adoption, but reality is never the same as prior head knowledge. Joanna can be pouty and difficult at times, and it can be very hard to uncover the reason or the logic for her actions. Even when I did not see eye-to-eye with my birth children, I always felt like I knew why they were acting in a certain way. Not so with Joanna. She is still somewhat of a mystery. About the time we think things are going wonderfully, she will behave in a way that undoes a week of good days. A good illustration would be last week when Bev, our social worker, came for a routine scheduled visit. Instead of being a nice little girl, Joanna refused to mind her dad, rolled on the floor, and would not answer questions asked to her directly. She was rude and surly, and in general a naughty girl. I later learned that Joanna was feeling irritated that I was not cooking dinner and talking to her at this time, so she decided to be rude and uncooperative with Bev. We later resolved the situation, but I'm sure we also made a star impression! All I can say is - oh well, I guess Bev saw the REAL side of the parenting/bonding process!

My friend, Barb, wrote an excellent and very descriptive piece describing their adoption, which has gone very well from many points with the other children accepting their new sister. Even still, there is a feeling of `what have I done to my family?!' We are still in that phase to some extent. I believe without hesitation that God led us in this direction, and I know that He has a plan for her life. She is generally a good little girl who has been through a tremendous adjustment, and in a short period of time, she is adjusting well. We just have a ways to go yet! I will tell you that I have learned more of God's love and acceptance of me through all of this, and it has put many things in my Christian life in perspective. I am learning to love this child in a more unselfish way than I have experienced with my other kids.

So, I will end this VERY LONG post by saying that God does not always ask us to do what is easy, but there are rewards along the way, and, yes, there is joy in the journey.